Life, love, and the pursuit of...well, you know how the story goes...

Today I ran across an article on Yahoo that explained a lot to me about dating and why women tend to go for the jerks instead of the nice guys. I'll explain more about why it interested me so much after you have a chance to read the article. So, without further ado:

"Dating Secret Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last

By April Masini Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Jun 20, 2008

Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl?

Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.

First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy. I’ll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on." Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.

Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way. What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.

To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.

It works like this: Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.

Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.

The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options."

Why this hit home with me is because I had a hard fast rule about dating for many years, and that was not to take it seriously. I knew from a young age that I never wanted to get married before I turned 30, so every relationship I got in, or more accurately "pseudo-relationship" I got in, I knew would never last because I wouldn't let it get that far. This is mainly due to watching my parents get divorced, and then later my siblings also falling into that same cycle. I just never wanted anything to do with it. You see, marriage doesn't scare me, but a bad marriage does!! I know, I know, you can't predict good from bad, especially when you go into it for all the right reasons.

Going back to the article above, before I turned 30 I was your typical jerk when it came to dating. I was cold, insensitive, aloof, and just plain arrogant. Not only that, but at the time I had a series of shitty jobs that didn't pay well, so I lived in some crappy apartments and had the attitude to match. Despite all this, I was always a bit on the shy side as well, and that seemed to make me come across as even more difficult to get close to. The surprising part of all this? Women LOVED me! It wasn't uncommon to go on a date with one girl, and then have her friend(s) flirting with me the whole time. So I soaked it all in like any good jerk would who didn't take any of it too seriously. I even went out with a few of those friends on the side...

Once I turned 30, I knew I was ready to settle down, and as luck would have it, I met someone who I respected and admired. She was wonderful! What I didn't count on was after years of being a dick, it was hard to suddenly change. Don't get me wrong, I did my best and I always treated her with respect and admiration, but I was still emotionally distant. A part of me had shut down over the years, and opening it back up was proving more difficult than I imagined. Perhaps it was karma, but she decided she needed someone more emotionally open and moved on, breaking my once cold heart as she left.

Fast forward another year, and I meet someone else. By all obvious signs, she could finally be "the one," and now I was even more ready to settle down, having learned from my mistakes from my last relationship. Now I was open, honest, emotionally charged up, and ready to accept the future. This time, I was no longer the jerk of the past, but now I was the nice guy that I thought every woman wanted and needed. We even moved in together, something I had never done in the past. But everything would soon change.

Despite my past actions, I never abused anyone. Not physically or emotionally. Instead, however, I would end up being on the receiving end of it. Watching a beautiful, intelligent, artistic woman go from all smiles and a bubbly personality, to fists and flying objects is not a pretty sight at all. It was when the knives and the gun came into play that I had had enough. I've always wondered why women stay in abusive relationships, but then again, I stayed in mine for 1 1/2 years, so who am I to judge?

So from personal experience, it leaves me trying to figure out just what to do. When I was the jerk, I was popular, but only for short term relationships. When I was the nice guy, I was abused and cheated on. Of course now that I'm over 30 and ready for a longer term relationship, there are less fish in the sea. There has to be a happy medium somewhere, but so far I haven't found it.

All of this makes me thankful for one thing...a fridge full of cold beer! ;-)

Taste of Charlotte; AKA "Sweat Fest 2008"

Good God, another sweat fest!! I reused the same photo from Speed Street since the Taste of Charlotte and Speed Street are very similar. The only real difference is that the Taste of Charlotte lacks race cars and free crap. However, you do get all the heat and same over crowded streets as before, not to mention all the overpriced food and beer. But once again, I only went to it because it was right outside the door, and once again, I had to avoid the beer portion of today’s event. And just like before, a cold beer may have made the event tolerable because the only thing I tasted was the saltiness of my sweat rolling down my face…

How long does it take to change a light bulb?

A long time ago I realized that on occasions, I can take a somewhat mundane task and turn it into the chore from hell! This is just one of those occasions…

The front door of my house is flanked by a light on each side for those times when I stay out past my bedtime. One of those lights recently burned out, so I decided to change it. There was no reason to think that this shouldn’t take but a couple of minutes, so I grabbed the new bulb and went to work. Looking at the housing, it’s similar to the one pictured above with a four sided glass and brass enclosure and four small hand screws holding the top on, one on each corner. The bulb of course is changed through the top, so I proceeded to unscrew the four screws. Once I had this done, the entire housing started to fall apart on me, and I was left standing there with screws in one hand, and everything else barely being held together in the other hand.

“Oh this sucks!” I said to myself.

Realizing that something just wasn’t right, I tried to piece it all back together so that I can start over again. But the catch was that the housing now didn’t want to go back into place. I pushed up here, moved the glass over there, dropped a screw, found it under some plants, placed the top back on, but nothing worked. After about 15 minutes of moving pieces around and some colorful language, I managed to get it back together just so that I can start over once more. Taking a closer look now, I see that there’s a smaller portion of the top that comes off to make it easy to change bulbs without taking apart the entire housing.

“Well duh, dumb ass!” I thought to myself.

So now I take the smaller cap piece off and easily remove the old light bulb. After putting the new one in, I grabbed the cap to place back on, but it wouldn’t fit. I look at the cap to make sure I had it in the correct place, but it still wouldn’t fit. I then grabbed the old bulb and held it up so that I can compare it to the new one, and it’s the exact same bulb, size and all. I then realized that there was a bolt from the cap portion that was too long and kept hitting the bulb.

“This is the same damn bulb as before! How the hell did it work before and not now?!?” I said as I grew more frustrated.

Finally I decided that the only way this was going to work, was if I cut the bolt down so that it will fit right. All I needed was a hack saw and I’d be good to go. But where the hell is my hack saw? I searched my toolbox; I searched the garage, but nothing!

“Give me a fucking break!” I grumbled.

What I did find was some tin snips and a metal file. So first I tried snipping the bolt off, but it was too thick. So then I tried to file it off, but of course that was slow going. So after I filed some more, I went back to the tin snips and finally was able to shorten the bolt. Then, and only then did the top cap finally go into place and I was able to fasten it back down. What a mess!

I think it took me a total of between 30-40 minutes to change this one bulb. Thank God I bought the extended life bulbs, so these should last a few years before they need to be changed again.

Speed Street

Well, it’s the Memorial Day weekend, and that means NASCAR here in Charlotte! Yesterday Speed Street kicked off downtown and the roads are blocked and full of sweaty office workers who rarely see day light. This is an annual event, and the Coca-Cola 600 will take place this Sunday. Although I don’t keep up with NASCAR and who’s leading in the points, I have been to a few of the races and found it very enjoyable. Once, through work, I even took the Jeff Gordon driving experience and drove 8 hot laps in one of the race cars. I had to follow the pace car, but still managed to reach just over 140 mph. I was completely shocked at just how tight you fit into one of those cars. Once I was strapped in, the only thing I could move was my arms and legs, and nothing else. Not my head, not by body, nothing. It had a very claustrophobic feeling about it.

Anyway, back to Speed Street. As with any street event, about all you can do is eat expensive fast food, drink beer, and sweat as you’re trying to fill your bag up with as many free handouts as you can get. Generally the promotional items that are given out are brochures, drink cozies, posters, and candy. I normally don’t attend these types of things, but since I work downtown, all I need to do is walk outside and here it is. Of course since I’m at work I have to skip the beer portion of it. That’s a real shame too, because I just might enjoy it that way, not to mention being better able to cope with my co-workers afterwards. Once back in the office, everyone compares their crap with everyone else’s crap, and then we joke about why we even bother in the first place.

Battling Beauties

Just over two years ago, I was looking for part time work to make a little extra money and to break the monotony of the daily grind. What I ended up with was far better then what I had expected. A friend had a side job as a ring announcer for a sports entertainment company, and their main focus was women’s wrestling and mixed martial arts. At that time they were looking for someone who could run the sound and lighting equipment. This is something I’ve never done before, but being that I have a technical background, I was willing to give it a try. So I went down and was introduced to the owner who showed me the equipment and how to use it. We spoke for awhile and he agreed to give me a try.

When the next shoot came, I showed up for work with full expectations of working the sound and lighting board, but what happened was a little different. The ring side cameraman had been in a car accident and hurt his arm and wasn’t able to hold the camera due to the pain. I was given the camera and a few minutes of instruction, and off I went. I must have done a decent enough job because just over two years later, I’m still running the ring side camera.

Recently we moved into a new studio with all new equipment. Now everything we do is in high definition. Before I use to use a camera that I had to hold steady in my hand while at the same time capturing the “moving targets” in the ring. By the end of the day, and many of those days were 12 hours in length, my arm and back were killing me! Now, I have a shoulder mounted camera that I use. Again, another 12 hour day, but this time my arm and back were fine…but my legs were killing me! Still, this camera is much more comfortable to use and gives a far greater picture quality.

Going back to the day job in my dingy little cubicle is difficult after a weekend of filming, but I do enjoy showing off some photos of my wrestling co-workers to my office buddies. While they spend their weekends playing World of Warcraft and changing diapers, I get to spend time with models, professional athletes, and actresses. The one thing I did realize is that despite how beautiful and famous some of these girls are, they are just like everyone else. They have their daily routines that they’ve grown accustomed to, they have their families that wonder if they’ll do anything good with their lives, and some of them even have husbands and children that they go home to afterwards. They really are no different than anyone else. And of course at the end of the day…


…it’s only a job.

Healthy Living

Yesterday morning I finally watched the movie, “Super Size me.” Although I had heard many things about it, including just how bad fast food is for you, it was much more dramatic actually seeing it happen on the screen before me. I can happily admit though that I haven’t been to a McDonald’s in over a year, and really only eat fast food maybe once a month. But still, the lessons learned from this film can apply to diet in general. I do go to the gym on a regular basis, so later on that afternoon, I made my way to GNC to buy some protein powder. As I’m leaving, of all things I stop behind a Toyota Prius that had two kayaks strapped to the roof. As I’m sitting there peering out the windshield of my SUV, I’m reminded of that South Park episode where all the hybrid driving people enjoy the smell of their own farts, so I thought to myself, “Snooty bastards!!”

I guess I still have a ways to go…

No, You Can't Vote!

I remember when I was 18. It happened to also be a Presidential election year, and I was finally going to be able to cast my vote and to feel like my vote counted for something. I registered to vote and waited until the day came so that I could finally be heard. Once that day arrived, I drove myself down to the local community center and cast my vote for President of the United States. What a proud moment it was for me! I was an adult, my voice could now be heard, and I had the power to vote for or against any candidate that I chose to.

Fast forward 4 years and another election year is upon us and once again, I was proud to be able to cast my vote and be heard. I had moved out by this time and was now living on my own, so I called up the election center to see where I needed to go to vote. The voice on the other end of the phone asked for my name so that he could look me up. I told him and a few moments went by as he fumbled through some paperwork. Eventually he came back and said, "You aren't eligible to vote."

"How can that be?" I responded.

"It's too late, you can't vote." he told me.

"What do you mean it's too late?" I said. "The election is over a month away, and I'm still registered."

"Did you vote last time?" he asked.

"Yes, and my legal residence is still the same. If I need to re register I will." I said.

"No, it's too late, you can't vote." He said more firmly now.

Unfortunately my naive ass believed him, and I didn't vote that year. I don't have any type of a criminal record or anything else that would make me ineligible to vote, so the only thing I can think of was that he saw that I was registered in a different party then he was, and he didn't want me to vote against his favorite candidate. This little episode left me with a sour feeling over all. I was just trying to do the right thing. I just wanted to vote and let my voice be heard. Unfortunately that voice was silenced by the stranger on the other end of the phone.

Please don't let those voices silence you.